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While it may feel like a trip back to a dark time for so many, and at the same time, like drawing back the curtain of time to give us just the smallest inkling of what our grandparents may have felt during war time. When they would gather around a radio to hear the president speak; to find out if which direction their lives would take. Whether then or whether now, I think I can safely say there is a tinge of trepidation in all we do.
I have been
feeling incredible fear. Not for me, for my loved ones, who although they live within
walking distance from me, I won’t be able to see them. I know I don’t pop round to my mom daily, I
do see her once or twice a week, we go the shops together and we spend time
chatting via WhatsApp every day. So, we are always up to speed with each other’s
life. Suddenly I won’t be able to have her round for dinner or pop down for a
gossip, and that is what upsets me. Suddenly the freedoms we take for granted
are curtailed and I know I won’t be there should she need me.
It may seem
like I am digging for drama, but these are the things that have gone through my
mind repeatedly; keeping me awake at night. It is these small things that
create anxiety and fear. It is not knowing whether the fridge is properly
stocked while aware that soon I won’t be able to help her get it stocked.
The same is
for all the little routines, rituals and habits we unconsciously create. I have
a standing breakfast date for a Tuesday with a good friend, we see each other
in between, but this is our down time, our jol. Now, I won’t see her for a
month. I have a friend who has been isolated
through circumstance for a few months now, but could receive visitors, now she
can’t. I hope someone has been around to stock her fridge. Family who live abroad and had to cancel
their visit. It has been ages since we have seen them. My dogs who get cabin fever when they skip one
visit to the park.
All these
fears aside, my nearest and dearest are all still alive and well and though my
heart breaks at not seeing them and I am worried for their wellbeing, I will
gladly give up freedom for a month just to still have them all with me when we see
the other side of this.
South
Africa is by no means a dull place and, despite the past and of being on edge
for so much of the time I believe in my heart that we will be a stronger people. We have a chance to start fresh, we have an
opportunity to re-evaluate how we approach life, and this is what I plan to do
with my time.
This is the
start of my diary. This is where I will keep note of my feelings and thoughts.
It’s where I will share them with you and hope that you share your feelings with
me. This is not a place for politics; I am sure there is a blog for that. I am using this blog to help me cope, and I
am sharing my journey with you.
As much as I have opinions and ideas there is an important exercise I am participating in. Part of this journey is to learn how to blog effectively. Thank you for being my test audience.
