What Can I Be When I Am Big?

I am usually good when it comes to things I have committed to. It takes toothache and someone else cancelling to keep me from doing my bit once I have pledged.  This leads me to believe that maybe I have bitten off too much, or have I just jumped in without much thought to what is required.

Because walking and jogging has been mooted and my driveway requires twenty lengths to make up a single kilometer, I have sworn allegiance to the stern woman who drives my exercise app.  Second day in and I have pulled a neck muscle doing what I like to call ear-ups; pulling oneself up by the ears into a sitting position as there are no core muscles to speak of. So now I have a sore neck and no inclination to exercise, but the desire to emerge from this lockdown looking good still exists.  Some rest and a different approach might help.

My second issue is not as easily solved.  The situation requires that we manage our money and save what we can for the uncertain future.  The situation also requires that I use the time I have productively.  I loudly announced that I might try an online course.  There are loads of free short courses I can take, I am not concerned about accreditation, I just want to learn something.  But what?

I still don’t know what I want to be when I am big, and I have been many things. From a waiter and manager to salesperson in an adult store and the person the bank calls for assistance. I have baked cakes, sold porn and given advice on accounts and television sets. I have made food and sold it on the side of the road, and I have written copy for websites.  Granted I did some for longer than others, but they all came to an end.  Either because nothing was required of me or because too much was required, more than I was willing to commit to at any rate.

Of course, one would think that financial reward would be a large motivator in all this. Alas, for me it is not. When I made the most money I was also at my unhappiest and vice versa. Except for selling smut, there was no money or joy.  A few interesting conversations, but no joy.

The common thread here seems to be that I have focused on people and their satisfaction in all my jobs.  So maybe I can take direction from this and find a course that will help me to deliver to others as well as myself. Mindful living, purposeful action, and the like are concepts I am becoming more and more acquainted with, and I like them.  If you have any suggestions for an online course that I might be interested in, please leave me a comment.  But only if you are not sensitive or precious about the subject.