Trying again to make sense of it all

Today would have been the last day of lockdown.  And I must admit; I am quite relieved that it isn't.  Not for the obvious reasons that there are still too many infections occurring, because people refused to adhere to a simple directive. Not because of the absolute selfishness of those having parties and roaming the streets regardless of some very real threats. And not because I am lucky enough to have stocked up on everything but wine. And not because I am still perfecting the facemask I will be obliged to wear when lockdown ends, and necessity puts me out of my home.

But because the house I live in and struggled to fall in love with when I moved here has become my safe haven, my cocoon from the world. I have a warm bed in which to sleep, a hot shower and a garden to sit in, undisturbed for as long as I like.  I have also discovered the joy of grocery shopping on-line.  The internet has kept me fed, exercised, entertained, and informed.

Because the internet has kept me informed, the desire to return to the world has dwindled to almost nothing, even though I miss seeing my friends and family.

When the gates open and we can roam freely again, the way in which we do things will have changed. Hugging for one thing will be out.  Kissing; definitely a thing of the past. Shaking hands too. I hope my loved ones used some of their lockdown time to learn a few kitchen tricks, we will have to have small get togethers at each other's homes.  Restaurant meals will remain but a pleasant memory, so too a few rounds at the pub.  And naturally mask wearing, and perpetual handwashing will be even more prevalent than they currently are.

That it took such a cataclysmic event for people to change is indicative of just how self-absorbed the human race has become.  By now we have all heard a theory or a belief that this is the earth saying, "Stop! I have had enough! " It is pretty much what I believe. 

This is how we are being forced to take cognizance of those around us. It is an opportunity to start living more consciously.

As much as I embrace change, I wake up during the night with the nagging feeling that this is taking it too far, and I am not ready. With all the chores and lessons I have set myself for the next two weeks I have to find time to get my head around these changes.

But while I get my head around the changes I also need to get my head around how badly mankind has let itself down.  Ignoring the signs. Too quick to label anyone with a warning as a troublemaker.

Of course, it is not all misery and destruction. It is an opportunity, a second chance.  People will be more conscious of their actions as one wrong move could kill them, but as this behaviour becomes second nature so too will the good. 

Today, it feels as if I am rambling. I probably am, but I am trying to undo the knots in the thread of my thoughts. I desperately want to reconcile my thoughts with my feelings. I also want to plan for the future, but I will need to understand what it is first.